Everyone can focus clearly with such shine

Forgive me for I seem to have strayed past my personal boundaries. Bring me back to who I used to be, not like she was any better. I wasn't a victim to addiction and apathy wasn't my closest friend. Forgive me for you have taught me better. I put on a facade of what I want to portray myself as, but I don't have the flexibility to mold into that person. Forgive me for what I've done with him, and him, and him, and him. Lust has blown in with this cold Winters air and seems to be tangled in my hair. Keep my from doing these things. Let me live, let me breathe easy, let me see the light, give me energy, give me strength, give me your hand. I just wish to be young again, forgive me.

Honestly, I just wrote that now. This Christmas break has been something else alright. I'm surprised I haven't spontaneously combusted yet. I'm all over the place lately but at the same time, not where I should be. This new year needs to come with a bang, A Big Bang, one that will start the world all over again. For me anyway. Lying seems to be my greatest flaw lately. I lie to get myself out of anything. It needs to end, I need to just be honest, to my parents especially. I keep so much from them and they don't deserve it. Anyway yesterday Nikki and I went to Philadelphia on a whim, and leaving we made the wrong turn and ended up going south, so we landed in Chester, PA. All I can say is she is never driving my car again. Next year she is going to Johnson and Wales in Rhode Island and I simply just don't know what I'll do without her, I love her to death and the distance between us is going to break me. I'm making a list of 100 things people don't know about me, and I think I'm going to give it to everyone. Just so they understand, some are rather comical and some are obvious but some are personal things that is tough to face myself let share with others. We'll see how it turns out.

Merry Christmas ya filthy animal, and a happy new year!

Merry Christmas everyone! I just love Christmas time (even though it still has yet to feel like it) But I received some lovely gifts. New Camera lens for my Nikon d40, new clothes, new boots, panasonic headphones, giftcards, a watch, Marc Jacob Daisy perfume, sunglasses, a fedora, and so much more I probably didn't name. I've been watching seasons one and two of Weeds since yesterday afternoon. My lovely best friend Nikki Marvelous bought me these bad boys and clearly this was one of the best and worst things she could have done to me because since then I've been laying in bed watching every episode. I spent Christmas Eve at my grandparents drinking wine and eating and opening lovely presents that Nana and Pop Pop never fail to buy me. Then I came home around 11ish and just watched Weeds and fell asleep. Now today were hosting Christmas at my residence and I am looking forward to it greatly! So the other day I saw Twilight and I know I'm going to be the biggest hipocrite for saying this but I loved it! I mean it was such a great movie, the story line and everything was actually really good. I mean vampries oh wow how lame did that look but it was adorable. Plus Rob Pattinson is a babe! but he cut all his hair off and everyone seems to be in a tizzy about it but I think it looks rather nice.

They're singing "Deck the halls" but it's not like Christmas at all.

So every morning on my way to school theres this little old man who stands on his drive way by the mailbox and waves to all the passing cars and signals them to blow their horn. He gets such a riot out of it and it's the most adorable thing I have ever seen in quite some time. But for the past two days he hasn't been outside and I know that the weather has been in the teens every morning so I'm hoping that is the reason he hasn't been out there doing his morning routine. I would hate to see something happen to him, even though I don't know him he has become a little part of my day each morning. I'm finally on Christmas break! and I looked at my phone yesterday and read "December 23rd" and my jaw literally dropped. I can not believe this, where as the Christmas season gone? I've been too busy running around shopping and hanging out with friends that it has just slipped through my hands. My last Christmas home and it has already disappeared. I mean I'm more than ready to take on 2009 but it's also scary at the same time. I'm graduating this year, I'm turning 18 this year, I'm starting college this year and 2009 is most likely the bigget year that will ever happen to me. And it's only 12 days away! I really need to start getting my mind into the right place, I'm off in lala dream land thinking it's going to be all a fantasy forever. I know nothing but the walls of my private high school and my parents home and it's all about to change in nothing short of 6 months. And I'll be the first to admit it, I'm a nervous wreck. I am not good at letting go of things, especially people. My best friends who I've spent every hour with will people scattered all over the country next year. Oh, boy this is too much for me to handle right now. I just need to relax and enjoy one day at a time.

This is what I say to 2009!

We treat mishaps like sinking ships.

Well this past week was definitely something out of the ordinary. I met this boy, randomly. Extremely randomly, he needed a ride home and the good samaritan I am just gave it to him. He was cute and rebellious and I my hormones took over. Every day I picked him up and we would do something completely out of the normal and I really enjoyed it. Turns out he clearly just wasn't for me. I'm very vulnerable lately and since every time I kiss or do anything with a boy then become very apathetic towards it afterwards I find it rather strange that I actually sort of developed a crush on him. Maybe it was his kisses on my forehead or maybe it was his extreme good looks that kept me coming back for more. It seems to be the trend lately. I talk and flirt and spend my time talking to these kids who are not good for me. What I really need is just a down to earth kid to waste my time with and someone who will share their heart with me, not their sexuality. Anyway so I don't think I'll be talking to him much anymore especially after I ripped him a new one and he knew he deserved it. It makes me look at my past and realize maybe "he" wasn't as much of an asshole as I thought he was. The only person who ever loved me and meant it. I would go back to all that in a heart beat and just do things differently this time. I know I'll meet someone new who is right for me but until then I need to break this habitual stream of bad things that I keep doing. Smoking is first on that list. Speaking of. I was reading a whole big article of how people look down on Obama for smoking. I find it rather interesting because it shows hes human and real just like the average American even though he is our countrys leader. I came across these pictures of Obama In 1980, when Obama was a freshman at Occidental College in Los Angeles, he was approached by an aspiring photographer named Lisa Jack, who asked him if he would be willing to pose for some black and white photographs that she could use in her portfolio.

Surprise!

So my girl Jess Alpie turned 21 yesterday!and her darling friend Nikky threw her a little surprise gathering. The night consisted of champagne and delicious vegan chocolate cake, and good photo ops. I had such a nice little time, she has such lovely friends. I'm regretting not bringing my camera because everyone was all dolled up and dressed to impress and it would've been such nice photo shoots. Sillllly me. I've been forgetting this little thing called sleep lately and it definitely caught up to me last night so I left fairly early and came home and just conked out and slept a good 10 hours. I feel so refreshed this morning for a day full of shopping and party planning and workinnn' later on in the day.


Fiona apple is soundtracking this morning.

Control yourself, take only what you need from them.

7:02 A.M. pull outta drive way, windshield wipers and iPod Shuffle on and low and behold MGMT was the prize winner to start off my morning drive to Belmar. Usually rainy mornings like these I will play Brand News "Jesus Christ" or Pink Floyds "Hey You" and maybe even some Joseph Arthur but this morning "Kids" was most likely the perfect selection to wake me the hell up. School school school. Learn learn learn. Slack slack slack. This cycle seems to never end. I'm REALLY and I can't stress any more, REALLY can't wait for Christmas vacation. Senioritis is in full blown, along with some other energetic funk I seem to be in. It's ever since I got my license that I have become increasingly lazier which is why in fact I'm joining Retro Gym. I sit and think about my weight and how I want to get to where I exactly want to be (I know I act like I'm an obese beach whale and I know I'm not but 15 pounds and I'd be stellar) and unless i just go out and fucking do it, its not going to come off. I'll actually be putting my license to good use. Today was a decent day all and all I got a killer olive green cardigan at the Gap for 11 dollars (thank you employee discount) and than I got my hair done to go back to the dark color I had it as.Oh, and It definitely was the scariest day to drive in. Its raining cats and dogs and it doesn't look like it's stopping anytime soon, Oh, Red Brick you're going to be flooded tomorrow :] how wonderful. I'm now watching my nightly back to back to back to back episodes of HOUSE and being nostalgic and listening to the rain pound on my windowpane. Oh, little girl you need to grow up.

With the Christmas money and left over holiday paychecks I have I'm going to get myself these uglys:

Urban Dictionary Calender with a daily fun word.

and bird clutch off Etsy, I think I should start seelling my works off there.

A negative plus a positive is still a negative.

The positive: I have the balls to cut my hair like that
The Negative: I would have to stop eating for about 6 months to ever pull it off.
It's my goal.

So my day started off as norm. Alexa running on Dunkin. Iced Medium Coffee, skim milk, sugar substitute, holding door for next customer with habitual routine. Walked back to school with Ashley, talking about bizarre stories and commenting on the unusual warm December morning and passing the rapidly growing empty Belmar shops (which by the way the towns people of Belmar deceided to put decorative holiday window banners up to hide the vacancy of the stores) than headed into the Caf to do NHS homework helping. 8:08 bell and off we were to homeroom. The day went as followed, passing hellos and smiles, gossip, education, laughter, headache, some more education, Surf Taco for some nacho and gucamole dip, than the long drive home doing the iPod shuffle. Made a list of errands I needed to run and forced Nikki to come along for the ride. Listened to music of '04-'05ish and went to Target and Michaels for crafty goods (Flowered cloth and papers for Self Portrait project, pipecleaners for Jess's and mine soon to be made Tissue Paper Flowers, and new school folders) and Pumpkin Soy Milk (which we didn't end up finding :[) Came home, Nikki, Luanne (my mother), and myself chatted over coffee for a bit than off Nikki and I went again for our classic night drive (I will miss these terribly next year). Came home, showed my mother the ballet pictures I took of my sister than just watched Home Alone 2 and witnessed a commercial for this :

CHIA PET FOR CATS! Grow a healthy pesticide free snack for your favorite feline! Chia Cat Grass planter provides you with a sweet oat and wheatgrass mix that's easy to grow and your cat is sure to love!

I'm sure my little Simba was really looking for that in his stocking.
Oh, well I'm sure some hippie cat out there will sure take interest in this.
Sleeepytime for me, night.